Hey, Where'd My Panties Go...

titsymclure @ 2006-01-16T21:37:00

2006-01-17T05:47:01Z

I'm hitting my monthly low. Hormone levels dropping, memories of every bad thing that's ever happened to me rushing in. I just finished doing one of those girly put-on-a-sad-song-and-cry-in-the-car things. It didn't help that I saw Requiem For a Dream for the first time tonight.
Travis: "I'm going to get some oatmeal."
Me: "I'm going to die alone and unloved..."

I hate overthinking everything. I need to stop reading Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. It's hurting more than it's helping.

titsymclure @ 2005-12-28T20:09:00

2005-12-29T04:17:30Z

I am so fucking awesome. I got Travis the Paris Hilton sex video for Christmas. He was near tears when he saw it. God, I am the coolest girlfriend ever.

snarl

2005-12-28T05:19:38Z

I've decided that in order to make a few extra bucks a month, I'm going to start selling essays. Does that sound as bad as I think it does? It would be by commission, so I'd be looking at an average of $100 an essay or $20 a page, double-spaced. It sounds smarmy, but I gots bills to pay.

Christmas was fun. On Christmas Eve, Travis and I went to his sister's house for dinner. His family cracks me up. At one point his dad actually said, "hey, let's all get drunk and fight!" And his dad got me a necklace for Christmas. It was so sweet. Mickey (his mom) gave me the package and I opened it and said thank you to her, because I figured- gorgeous, tasteful necklace- Mickey picked it out. And Mickey goes, "John picked it out for you."

After that, Travis and I went to mass. It was his first time in a Catholic mass, so he was giggling all through it. And every few minutes he would whisper "Faith," and I would look at him and he would hold up ten fingers and mouth "ten more minutes?" Me: "No." Him: *flashes ten fingers and then five* "Fifteen?" I told him we'd leave after the priest put the Eucharist away, and Travis held a count-down. Once the tabernacle doors clicked shut, he grabbed my purse and my sweater and was like, "okay, let's go."

Christmas Day: go to Aunt Kath's house and get my car stuck in the mud. Aaaaaand it was all downhill from there. For the rest of the night, people I didn't even know were coming up to me and asking me if I got that "car thing worked out." Yes, I got the fucking car thing worked out. I ended up leaving early because everyone was making such a big deal out of it. Getting the car stuck in the mud suddenly inspired everyone to start poking and prodding my car to see if there was anything else wrong with it, and then they had the nerve to present their findings to me like I had NO IDEA. They're like "you know your driver's side window is sticking? And your trunk isn't closing all the way. And water is leaking in." First of all- yes, I know the window sticks. I've been driving the car for a fucking year. I know the window sticks. Yes, I know the trunk isn't closing all the way. It's some funky ass mechanical thing and I can't change it. But why the fuck are you poking around IN my trunk? GOD, I hate those people! I don't want your help! Let's just drop it and have a merry fucking Christmas!

Spew!

2005-12-06T04:13:41Z

I got some Thanksgiving flavored sodas by Jones last week that included turkey and gravy flavored, wild herb stuffing flavored, and pumpkin pie flavored. I paid Brady (teenage brother of the toddler I nanny for) ten bucks to take a shot of each, and he vomited. The funniest part is that he's this 6-foot-tall 200-pound football player. He first took a shot of the stuffing flavored soda and it grossed him out but he didn't puke. Then he did the turkey one and he gagged and got all shaky and sweaty. Then he took the pumpkin pie- because he thought it would be the easiest- and it was so gross he actually vomited. So I wrote him a check for ten bucks, and you know what? It was worth every penny.

I had a weird dream last night. I dreamt that I got really rich and famous and Stephen Dorff invited me out for a private picnic on this hill overlooking Folsom Lake. So we're walking along this hiking trail and Stephen's in a big rush to get to the top, so I figure out that he's aiming for sex, which is cool 'cause sex with Stephen Dorff would kick ass, and I get all giddy and excited. But then I start thinking about Travis and I start feeling bad, so I decide to call him up and ask him if it's okay with him if I sleep with Stephen Dorff. So I tell Stephen that I'll meet him at the top of the hill, I just have to call Travis first, and then I try to dial his number, but every time I try to call him, something happens and I can't get through to him. Either the phone breaks or I drop it or someone grabs it out of my hand. Finally I look up and Stephen Dorff has started chatting with Brad Pitt and the two of them stroll off together. And I'm yelling "Stephen, wait! I can't get through!" but he's already forgotten about me- his easy lay. I told Travis about the dream afterwards.
Travis: "So, you'd cheat on me with Stephen Dorff?"
Me: "No, just, he asked me and I didn't want to flake on him 'cause that's rude."
Travis: "Oh, okay, so one day you'll come up to me and tell me that you cheated on me with some guy because you didn't want to be rude."
Me: "At least in my dream I had the moral decency to call you first and let you know."
Travis: "Yeah, I knew there was something special about you."

le mope

2005-12-01T04:54:32Z

I don't feel like myself. I've burst into tears three times tonight for absolutely no reason whatsoever. No. Reason. I have nothing to cry about, but I'm crying anyway. When I haven't been crying, I've been on the verge of tears. Christ here I go again. I want to talk to Travis but he's useless in situations like this. As far as he's concerned, if I'm crying when I have nothing to cry about- then I should stop. Yeah, sounds easy enough, doesn't it? Just do the "I Dream of Jeanie" head-bonk and snap out of it. I feel another wave coming... I'm all periody, so I know this is purely hormonal, but it still sucks.

Travis and I went to The Olive Garden last night, which was nice. I didn't know that the chairs were on wheels and I whipped mine out and whacked the woman behind me.

I really want to use my new credit card, but I'm afraid to.

Last Sunday, I was at the bank and saw this puny, pale little guy get out of his car and put on a bullet-proof vest before going to the ATM. And it was broad daylight too- it was like, three in the afternoon.

titsymclure @ 2005-11-28T08:28:00

2005-11-28T16:43:45Z

So Travis and I are talking about the Paris Hilton missing dog incident. I don't really know much about it but Travis is a devoted Paris fan so he's pretty studied up on the ins and outs of Paris Hilton. Mostly the ins. Anyway, he said something that made me realize that I'm going to marry this man.

Travis: "I have to say...if I found Paris Hilton's dog...I'd have to fuck it."

Le sigh.

Rants up the wazoo!

2005-11-22T04:51:15Z

I got my very first credit card today. I feel so grown up. No longer will my phone service be shut off because I mailed out my payment the day the bill was due instead of a week before. It's a Capital One card. What's in yeeeer wallet? It's totally cute too, it's got a little ladybug on it, and Kieranne dug it and tried to trade her toy credit card for it. I was like "I can't trade, Kieranne, it's got my name on it." And she was like "well this one has a name on it too, see? JL Webb." It was a Finding Nemo credit card so I don't know who JL Webb is.

In other news, I am appalled at how shitty people can be when they're in relationships. I'll provide some background: Travis has lots of unique and quirky neighbors. They're all either amputees or crazy- or both. There's an old woman who comes out a couple times a week and digs through her own garbage can while talking to herself, and next-door to her is an old man who comes out and sweeps his lawn- and I really mean taking a broom to the grass. He's got this white-trash granddaughter with an ass that Travis admires despite her skankiness, and she's married to a fat guy who dresses badly and has long hair that he keeps back in a ponytail. Next-door to him are these two creepy, married fifty-somethings that sit in their empty garage in lawn chairs and stare out at the street. And the guy has no right hand to boot. Creepy. We have nicknames for them all. Woman who digs in trashcans is Crazy Lady or Schizo, depending on the mood. White trash granddaughter is Ass Girl and her husband is Honky. And no-right-hand guy is Lefty. All of these people are really weird, but harmless. The one that isn't is Ultra-slut. Ultra-slut is the eighteen-year-old that lives across the street with her grandparents. When she isn't blowing some guy behind a Carl's Junior or swiping her grandparents' Vicodin, she can usually be found smoking in her jeep and talking on her cell phone.

So Travis did not even know Ultra-Slut lived across the street from him until another couple moved in next door. They're fairly young. Jeremy is 23 and Brie is 21 or 22. Jeremy also works in construction, so he and Travis hit it off immediately and the two now hang out regularly and go around exploring the neighborhood together like something out of a Nancy Drew novel. Well, Ultra-Slut noticed Jeremy right away and suddenly started popping over while he and Travis would be outside talking. Her likes: Vicodin and sucking cock. Her dislikes: Not much, she'll try anything once. But beyond her skankiness, she never shuts up and she's really obnoxious, so Jeremy and Travis always ditch her as soon as she runs home to get a cigarette or answer her phone.

Jeremy's a little rough around the edges. Every other word is "fuck" or "motherfucker," and he seems to have a bit of a problem with impulse control as far as spending goes. When he wants new gadgets and doohickeys, he goes out and buys them. But he's actually a really nice guy and is very friendly and polite. He always waves to me or says hello when he sees me drive up to Travis' house. And he and his girlfriend just bought a house and new puppy together, so just look at how committed he is to their relationship. RIGHT?! WRONG!!

The other night, Travis and I go through our little bed-time routine, and after brushing our teeth and getting into our PJs, we go to bed. We usually talk for a little while before going to sleep, and we did this time. And then we both went silent for about a good fifteen minutes. And then out of nowhere, Travis blurts out, "Ultra-slut gave Jeremy a blow-job yesterday." WHAT THE FUCK?! They just bought a fucking house! They've only lived here for a friggen month! And already he's getting blow-jobs from the neighbors?! Do I say any of this? No. I'm so blinded by rage and confusion and disillusionment that all I can think to say is: "But- what about the puppy?!"

Seriously, what the fuck? Who the hell gets into a relationship, buys a house- BUYS a house, and then cheats after barely a month of living together? With some skanky, obnoxious teenager across the street?! I've seen his girlfriend! She's gorgeous! What the fuck is wrong with him?!

Another side-rant, I hate when my sister blabs on about how everybody loves her. It's so irritating. And she gets all up in your face about it to make sure you're paying attention.

titsymclure @ 2005-11-15T21:09:00

2005-11-16T05:16:18Z

What's a Rio bikini wax? I know what a Brazilian is- friggen expensive, that's what it is. But what the hell is a Rio?

cough sputter cough

2005-10-29T20:53:03Z

So pissed right...now...

I'll start with Wednesday morning. Tuesday night I go to Travis' house and crash there. The image of impropriety. Oh fucking well. Travis gets up at 5:30 Wednesday morning and asks me to lock up before I leave. Only he doesn't want to leave the spare house key and risk one of the Mexicans across the street swiping it out from under the doormat and then breaking in and taking all of his tortillas and pinto beans. So he asks me to lock the knob. No problem. I can handle a stupid knob. I go back to sleep and wake up at quarter to seven, get my books, and head out. I lock the knob and close the door behind me, go to my car, dump my books inside, start the engine- no wait, engine's not starting. Why? Because I don't have my keys. Why? Because they're in my purse- which I left on the kitchen counter. IN the locked house! I have a momentary spaz out, then decide to get my purse out of the house. Every house has a weakness, some window or back door that was left unlocked. I try the front and side windows. They're all stuck. So I decide to go through the back, only Travis has the house barricaded like a God damn fortress and the gate is locked with this weird ass clip thing. Sooo, I build a little platform out of car-seats and trashcans and climb over the fence, which is like 10 feet high, so I roll over the top like a fat kid in gym class and totally cut up my hands. Long story short, the sliding glass door is locked, all the windows are locked, and there is absolutely no way I'm getting in. I hurl myself back over the fence, manage to catch a neighbor with a cell phone, and call my mom. I'm covered in bruises. I ache. My mom was surprisingly calm about the whole thing though. She didn't yell at me or anything. I think she just wanted to see Travis' house.

Now Courtney's throwing a party and I am the honorary chaperone. My legs are covered in big purple bruises. Friggen purple! Five on the inside of one thigh, two honkers on the inside of the other. I ache.

I Liiiiiiiive!

2005-10-10T15:46:34Z

I'm still alive, but only just. I should get an IV put in my arm that'll give me a constant stream of No-Doz.

Yesterday, for the very first time, I did that thing where you're talking to someone on a cell phone and they start on a bad subject, so you do the "Khhh, you're cutting out, I can't hear you...Khhhhh". I think it's a cell phone rite of passage.

In other news, Travis acknowledged me as his girlfriend for the very first time yesterday, after six friggen months of seeing each other. Lazy fart. This was shortly after he introduced me to his new next-door neighbor as his "friend, Faith," and shortly after I grabbed my car keys and told him to go fuck himself.

In other other news, I dyed my hair a dark brown for a more latin look. Now I just need to cut it. I'm not sure how I feel about it. I'm worried there might be too much red. I hate when people do that. Either go all the way with red, or don't do it at all. That's my philosophy.

In even other other news, I got a picture of Travis scratching his back with a machete. I love it. I've titled it, "Travis Scratching his Back with a Machete." I got to his house yesterday afternoon and saw it sitting on the kitchen counter.
Me: "Is that a machete?"
Travis: "Yeah, I got it at the Army Surplus store. Isn't it awesome?!"
Me: "What are you going to do with a machete?"
Travis: "Cut stuff."
Me: "Like wood?" *pictures piles and piles of chopped firewood in Travis' backyard*
Travis: "Like branches and stuff."
Me: "For your next jungle expedition?"
Travis: *sighs and shakes his head* "You just don't get it."

titsymclure @ 2005-09-23T08:40:00

2005-09-23T15:44:28Z

I'm sooo going to see Corpse Bride tonight.

God, my room is a mess.

I love Franz Ferdinand. The leader looks just like Travis with longer hair. Speaking of, I took a picture of Travis washing his hands, because it's the only time I've actually seen him wash his hands, so at some point I'll try to get that up here.

Well, back to the salt mines.

Life is good

2005-09-16T15:43:01Z

Everything is totally going my way! Started a new job that has money coming out my ears, which is exactly what I was looking for. Even better- it's stable. 9-5, 40 hours a week, paid holidays and vacations. I'm awesome! So it looks like I'll definitely be able to get myself a new car by November at the latest, and I'll hopefully be able to move out around December/January.

I'm also back in school, doing distance education, which people seem to respond more positively to than "online education." Whatever.

In relationship news, I have Travis pegged. *cackle* Time to start moving my stuff into his house. I think I'll start with something small and innocuous, like a toothbrush, and then I'll move onto the bigger stuff, like toilet seat covers and embroidered dish towels. Eeeeee hee hee heeeee!

Life sucks

2005-09-07T15:09:36Z

SIGH! BIG FUCKING SIGH!

I won't be able to continue with TAC. They've fucked my schedule up so much. I was supposed to work 24 hours a week, and it's now gone down to 12, because the consultant on both cases didn't turn in the kid's new school schedule.

GOD THIS SUCKS! I totally wanted to do this! And now I can't! And this woman down the street wants me to nanny full-time for her, with a guaranteed $400 a week, minimum. And I need the money...I'm sooo fucking broke. So. Looks like it's back to nannying for me.

I feel so disillusioned. My horoscope explicitly told me two months ago that a new career path would bring me financial security! Netscape horoscopes are full of LIES! Just whose side are you on, Tarot.Com?!

Fu-cking tired

2005-09-04T02:55:15Z

I am fucking tired. So. fucking. tired. But I can't fall asleep now or I'll wake up at 10 and be up until 3 or 4. Got about 5 hours of sleep last night. I spent the night at Travis' house and he was tossing and fidgeting all night, and just when I'd finally fallen asleep around 2 a.m., he woke me up. But when Travis wants to find out whether or not I'm awake, he doesn't gently whisper, "Faith, are you awake?" No. When Travis wants to see if I'm awake, he does so by jabbing a finger in my eye to feel if it's closed.
Me: "Ow! Fuck! Why'd you poke me in the eye?!"
Travis: "I wanted to see if you were awake."
Me: "Well now I am!"
So Travis woke me up at 2 a.m. and after poking me in the eye, the conversation went as follows:
Travis: "Faith, I can't sleep."
Me: "...I'm sorry?..."
Silence.
Travis: "Will you sing to me?"
Me: "What?"
Travis: "Will you sing me to sleep?"
Me: "Absolutely not."
Silence.
Travis: "Do you want to go get something to drink?"
Me: "Now?"
Travis: "I can't get to sleep. If I just stay here I'm going to toss and turn all night. Will you come watch TV with me for a little bit?"
So at two in the morning, I got up and watched an hour of South Park with Travis. To be fair, he did pay for my dinner, so I guess I owed him.

I've got pictures!

2005-08-30T03:56:37Z

Got some pictures from my mall trip with Courtney:

http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y30/oxymoronic_leader/Growl_Bruise.jpg

http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y30/oxymoronic_leader/Wow_Im_Bruised.jpg

http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y30/oxymoronic_leader/Doped_Up_Fighter.jpg

The second one was taken right after I'd touched up my black eye in the parking lot. 'Twas an adventure, that day.

Bar bar bar bar

2005-08-26T21:40:55Z

I'm trying to work up the nerve to go to Victoria's Secret and spend forty bucks on panties, but I just can't do it. I want to, but if I spend any money, I'm going to bounce a check somewhere. Bah. I'm a tool.

I want to do something different with my hair. Maybe go with a latin look this fall. I can't believe I said that. I really am a tool.

God, I don't even think I get paid until next Wednesday. I'm not going to make it. I'm going to have to borrow money from someone, and that someone is going to bitch me out until I pay them back in full with interest.

Kieranne wants to go back to Travis' parents' house to play with the dogs. Would that be weird? Like, if I called his mom and asked if I could bring Kieranne over to play with the dogs?

There was one day where I was totally PMSing at John and Mickey's house and when Travis asked me what was wrong, I told him that I needed to find a reason to cry, and he said that that was stupid, so I hid from him- again, because I'm mature like that. Anyway, after he groveled for a few minutes (evil cackle) he went outside, and I saw him a few minutes later through the window playing with the dogs. He would splash them and they'd chase him around the pool. Cuteness: he was totally into it, giggling and making an ass of himself. God I love that guy.

titsymclure @ 2005-08-24T12:32:00

2005-08-24T20:14:04Z

So apparently, the consultant in charge of three of my six client cases neglected to tell the parents that I would be coming to their houses, so for the last three days, I've been showing up and the parents are either confused and wary, or not home at all. I am going to kill this woman, namely because I'm trying to get phone numbers so I can call these people and the lead tutors in charge of the cases ahead of time, and I can't get a hold of the consultant because she never picks up her fucking phone! And I feel bad because I can totally see where these people are coming from. They've got this stranger on their doorstep demanding entry into their house and a secluded room in which to be alone with their child.

Ugh. Thankfully, though, after observing a few cases, I know that this is definitely something that I want to do.

I have a pelvic exam scheduled for tomorrow. Should I shave my legs for that?

Because I have no shame

2005-08-22T19:40:29Z

Last person who...
1. Slept in your bed - Me. Der-her. Aside from me, Travis. It's not as scandalous as it sounds though. He crawled into my bed and fell asleep. And he's a damn bed-hog. I woke up at two in the morning to find myself squeezed over into the upper right hand corner of the bed and he was sprawled out like a happy little beach blanket.
2. Saw you cry - I think my mom. I really tried not to, but she's always trying to get my sisters and me to cry on her shoulder, so she'll say things like "when I brought you home from the hospital, you were the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen, and I was so proud of you," and that's usually the point at which I'll start crying. Blast her!
3. You saw a movie with - Courtney.
4. You went to the mall with - Brianna. Since making out with the new guy she's seeing, she's changed her anti-premarital sex principles and wanted to go out to buy lacy underwear.

Have You Ever...
1. Said "I Love You" and meant it - Yes.
2. Gotten in a fight with your pet - All the damn time. Maggie's always taking my cookies, but when I confront her, she just gives me this blank "I'm just a dog, I can't talk" bullshit stare.
3. Been to California - Live there.
4. Been to Mexico - A few years ago, and it left me with no incentive to return.
5. Been to China- No.
6. Been to Canada - No.
7. Been to Europe - Not yet.
8. Danced naked- No. To dance naked, one has to have confidence, self-assurance, and an ass that doesn't jiggle when you shimmy.

1. Do you have a crush on someone - I have a big ole honkin' crush on Travis. Especially when he does cute little things like write my name on the underside of the baseboard he's going to nail down so that I've officially left my mark on his house.
2. What book are you reading now- Naked by David Sedaris. I am so serious when I say that this is the funniest book I've ever read. I actually laughed so hard I fell off my chair.
3. Worst feeling in the world - I'm going to agree with Jeffy about loneliness and feeling like a disappointment.
4. Future KIDS names- Girls: Claire, Anne, Wendy, and Stella. Boys: Joseph, Peter, Simon, and William.
5. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal- No.
6. What's under your bed - Some comic books, a Monty Python poster that I bought years ago and never put up, and a photo album.
7. Favorite sport to watch - I don't watch sports if I can help it, but Mike usually has something on, whether it's basketball or tennis.
8. Location - northern California. God, northern California sucks.
9. Piercings/Tattoos - Just pierced ears. One day I'd like to try for a tattoo, like get Droopy on my ankle or something like that. I hate guys who have the flaming heart surrounded by a crown of thorns tattoo. A friend of mine knew a tattoo artist who also hated that, and one day had an older couple come in, who'd decided to get tattoos. They were the clean-cut suburban types and they were both going to get cartoon characters or something, which the tattoo artist was really happy about, and then at the last minute the guy was like "actually, I really like that flaming heart surrounded by a crown of thorns. Let me get one of those."
10. Do you drink - Occasionally.
11. What are you most scared of - Never getting the hell out of this house.
12. Where do you want to get married - I'm a traditionalist. I'd like to get married in a cathedral.
13. Who do you really hate - Christina Aguilera. I was okay with her until she was on SNL and for her monologue, she sang her "You Are Beautiful" song acapella. After that day, I decided that if I ever saw her on the street, I'd punch her in the face.
14. Do you have a job - Now I do! In fact, today I will be meeting with my very first client.
15. Do you like being around people - Sometimes. Sometimes I don't want to be around anyone, and when people badger me, I get really irritated.
16. Have you ever liked someone you had no chance with - Yeah, mostly in high school. I was part of the "fallen ones" crowd, and I had a crush on the clean-cut little preppy son of the vice-principal. The weird thing was that he was actually into me, but I don't think either one of us had the guts to cross the social barrier. God I'm such a dumbass.
18. Are you lonely right now - Not at the moment.
9. Song that's stuck in your head - "All These Things That I've Done" by The Killers. Yesterday Travis and I both had the same exact part of that stupid "Swing Life Away" song stuck in our heads, and then we turned on the radio- and it was on. Even weirder- it was on the part we both had stuck in our heads. He was like "you know we have to listen to it now." And I was like "yeah, I think it's a sign."
1. Been in love - I'm starting to think so.
2. Played strip poker - Nnnno.
3. Gotten beaten up - Not really. Brianna and I used to beat the shit out of each other, but I wouldn't call that getting beaten up.
4. Pulled an all nighter - No, I'm too anal about my sleep pattern.
5. Been on radio/tv - Yes.
6. Been in a mosh-pit- No.
7. Do you have any gay/lesbian friends - I don't have "friends."

In the last 24 Hours have you...
1. Cried- Almost. I was trying to cry. I really needed it, but I couldn't, so I'll try again this evening.
2. Bought something - Yes! No wait, no. That was Saturday. I probably will go out and buy stuff today.
3. Gotten sick- I'm feeling pretty shitty right now. Everyone in my house is coming down with some virus.
4. Sang - Yep, just about an hour ago. "The Wrong Band" by Tori Amos. A really awesome song. I discovered it while staying at Travis' parents' house, so now whenever I listen to it I associate it with that week.
5. Been kissed- Yes.
6. Had Sex- Eee hee hee heee
7. Felt stupid - Many a time.
8. Talked to an ex - No.
9. Missed someone - Yes.
10. Hugged someone - Yes.

A promising future!

2005-08-19T04:04:40Z

Finished my TAC orientation training. 21 paid hours, baby! Yeehaw! I also got my schedule and I'm going to be working with six families, which I'm psyched about. So next week I start in-field training, and I'll be going to the houses of my new clients with a consultant so that I can observe the child and collect data, and then the week after that- I fly solo. So here I go again on my owwwwnn, goin' down the only road I've ever knoooowwwwwn.

After reviewing this week's recent Travis-cuteness, I've made the conscious decision to make Travis love me. Yes. He will be mine. To own. Whether he likes it or not. It sounds sneaky and underhanded, but I am not going to let some stupid commitment-phobia get in my way. An example of his commitment-phobia: he's lived in his house for two months. He transformed it from a shithole foreclosure into a functional and livable home- singlehandedly. He's decided to move. Why? Because he feels "tied down." He's going to give up his house and all the money and energy he's put into it, and he's going to go back to apartment-living.

So I've decided to scheme. After I saw him mouthing the joke to himself the other day, the cuteness was just overwhelming, and without even realizing it, I thought to myself, "you will be mine." I'm not going to do anything drastic. I'm just going to make him realize his complete and utter dependence on my validation of him as a person to get through his day. That's all. He'll thank me for it in the long-run.

Fuck it, I'm going out for M&Ms! The kind with peanuts!

2005-08-18T02:22:14Z

Just finished my second day of training for TAC (Teaching Autistic Children) and I'm just a smidge overwhelmed. Too many psychological terms that make no fucking sense. What the fuck is a discriminative stimulus? NOBODY KNOWS! Eight hours in a tiny little room under a fluorescent light. By 3 o'clock, "discriminative stimulus" means dick to me. And this guy's been following me around, which is starting to get to me. Hopefully I won't be seeing him much after tomorrow.

Today we worked on data collection! Sound the trumpets and release the doves! Graphs and charts and discriminative stimuli, oh my!

Fucking stimuli...

Travis told me an awesome joke yesterday. So there's this Native American family, and the son goes up to the father one day and says "Father, how did you name my brother and sister and I?" and the father says, "When your brother was born, I went outside and saw deer running, so I named him Running Deer. And when your sister was born, I went outside and saw an eagle flying, so I named her Flying Eagle. Why do you ask, Two Dogs Fucking?"

HAAAAAAHAHAHA! He's so cute. He has trouble remembering sequences, like directions or jokes, so when he hears a joke, he'll keep saying it to himself so that he'll remember it. All evening, I'd look over at him and see him mouthing it to himself, and then he'd start giggling.

I don't want to talk about it...

2005-08-15T02:31:20Z

Courtney and I got all grossed up today and went shopping. Through the use of black eyeliner, yellow, black, blue, purple, and brown eye shadows, and red lipstick, we gave ourselves monster black eyes, swollen cheeks, split lips and eyebrows, and busted noses. Ah, it was beautiful, because it was just gross enough to be funny.

So we went out to Citrus Heights and made a brief stop at Travis' house to see if he wanted to come with us, and he was adamant that he didn't. I tried to pursuade him to let me give him a black eye and a split lip so that it'd look like I got him as good as he got me, but it didn't convince him. So Courtney and I went on without him and we went to the mall, where people stared at us, which was hysterical. First we went into Wet Seal, because I just thought it would be hilarious, and the welcoming girl was like "hi- oh my gosh, what happened?" and Courtney looked down at her feet and muttered, "oh...it's nothing." Then we went to the cosmetics department of Macy's and browsed for a while. After that we went to the Panda Express and some guy held the door for Courtney, and after that we went to Target, where the cashier asked us if we'd gotten into a wreck of some sort, and I laughed uncomfortably and Courtney was like "uh...maybe..." and then we both shuffled out.

It was a good day.

Edit: took lots of pictures but can't get any of them onto the computer yet. Will work on that.

The bitch is back! Again!

2005-08-14T04:45:10Z

I'M BACK! I have mixed feelings towards returning home. On the one hand, I missed my bed and my shower and the little ones, but on the other hand, I hate my family. But I feel very relaxed and refreshed. I definitely needed a week away. I will now recount my little vacation in a capped entry for your viewing convenience.

I fucking loved it. I swam and got uber tanned and hot-looking and spent the entire week clopping around the house in tanktops and flipflops. It rocked. I watched TV and baked cakes and played with the dogs and ate ice cream. I want to do this again as soon as humanly possible. Travis did indeed spend the week at the house with me, and he ended up doing all of the work that I was going to get paid for, i.e. feeding the dogs and maintaining the yard. But then I ended up cleaning up after him, so we formed our own little circle of life.

And now for Travis-cuteness:
The other day we were in his room going through all of his old knickknacks, and we came across the phone number of an ex-girlfriend. Doesn't take a rocket scientist to see where this is going. He gazed at it wistfully and sighed "Christine..." Long-story short, I tried to throw it away, he retrieved it, so I went in the next room and gave him the cold shoulder, because I'm mature like that. I at least did it under the guise that I was reading. He came in and swore that not only was Christine done-with and 2 years gone, but she was also ugly and had no self-respect. Me: "So throw the number away." Him: "I can't! I can't throw anything away!" Which is true- he has receipts and movie stubs from seven years ago. Resume cold shoulder. He comes in and out to tell me that there's a funny show on TV and I should come out and watch it, or that the dogs are doing something really funny, or that he's going to heat up some leftovers and do I want some? Cold shoulder. He goes out, and then returns five minutes later. Him: "Can we have sex?" Me: "Why don't you call Christine and see if she's up for it?" He leaves. He comes back. Him: "What can I do to make you stop being mad? Just tell me what to do- I'll do it." Me: "Throw the number away." Him: "....other than that." Me: "I'm sorry, I can't talk right now, I'm reading." He goes out and comes back every five minutes to tell me that he's going to turn on the sprinklers, or he's going to take a shower, or that my Rice-a-Roni is the best he's ever had. At one point he even asks me to read my book out loud to him. Cold shoulder. He leaves again. After a ten minute stretch of silence, he comes in with my bookmark and brings it over to me, saying, "this looks like it goes to your book. I thought you might want it." He has that totally sincere sheepish thing going on, and I can't help but feel guilty. So I swallow my pride and thank him for bringing it back to me, and he shrugs and says, "I just wanted a reason to come in here." And honestly, despite my fuming rage over Christine, the cuteness of that moment totally makes me want to tackle him.

So, Travis-cuteness aside, we move onto Faith's attempt at seduction. It starts with a striptease on my way to the lightswitch to turn off the light, and ends with me feeling my way back across the dark room and walking into the bedpost. And so ends Faith's attempt at seduction.

I also found a whole bunch of home videos and spent my afternoons watching those. John and Mickey are just the sweetest couple on the planet. They're so in love and genuinely attracted to one another. In just about every video I watched, John tries to disrobe Mickey in some way or another. Whenever he's got the camera, he always zooms in on her butt or her boobs and makes little lecherous comments. But then she cracked me up when she turned around and did the same thing. In one video, she's taping him as he's putting up the Christmas lights and she zooms in on his butt and makes all these seedy little remarks about the way his tush looks in his 501s. It's just adorable. I could just squeeze them both for being so darn cute. I saw a great video of Travis and Tammy fighting as kids. Travis was a screamer. The second Tammy touched him, he'd shriek and flop to the ground.

My only complaint about the week was the neighbors. The nextdoor neighbors live on ten acres, and where do they put their chicken pen? Right up against the Rileys' property. So every morning I woke up at 5 a.m. to the sound of roosters crowing, and every morning I got out of bed yelling "fucking chickens!" But I decided to make ammends with them before leaving, so I went over there yesterday afternoon with a box of crackers and crushed them up and tossed them into the pen. But most of it was closed off with chicken-wire (go figure), so there was only one small space that I could stick my arm into to throw the crackers to them, and I got snapped with the electric fence. So I threw the crackers at the pen and screamed "fucking chickens!" before storming back inside the house.

And so ends the summary of my week at the Rileys' house. Goodnight and God Bless.

titsymclure @ 2005-08-05T08:20:00

2005-08-05T16:46:49Z

Hahaha, Travis' mom and sister loooooove me. Went to his parents' house to talk to them about house-sitting for them next week, which I'm so psyched about I'm ready to shit myself. The minute I walked through the door, Mickey (his mom) started rambling off on all these stories about Travis' childhood and what her pregnancy with him was like. It was SO. CUTE. I love his mom. She apologized to me about the state of his clothes and what a slob he is. She was like, "That Sideout shirt- I bought him that three years ago and when I got it for him, it was white! Now it's yellow!" She's also a fitness instructor, so she was asking me all about my diet and how often I exercise and if I make sure to take a good multivitamin.

She's really determined to make this a romantic getaway for Travis and me, so she showed me how to turn on the bubbles and lights in the pool and said that we're welcome to anything in the fridge and pantry. From what she told me, Travis intimated to her that he plans on spending the week at the house with me, which I'm a little miffed that he never mentioned to me.

Anyhoo, my mom wants to have a dinner this Sunday night with all of the boyfriends. Craig (Laura), Trevor (Brianna), and Travis. She was like "we can get the whole meeting-the-parents thing over in one fell swoop! Doesn't that sound great?" Me: "No, that sounds like one long awkward silence..."

Kieranne got mad at me the other day and wrote me a note that said "I Hayoo". It's just about the cutest thing I've ever seen. I was like "wow, Kieranne, this is really good! You sounded it out and everything!" and she was like "No it's not good, because I hate you!" and I was like "I'm going to put this up on my wall!" God bless her little black heart.

titsymclure @ 2005-08-02T15:20:00

2005-08-02T22:38:50Z

Good God I feel restless. I need to write. The battery on my laptop died on Thursday and I'm waiting for my mom to get home so she can help me get a new one, but now my energy is like...one of those static electricity balls. I need something to focus on, and I hate writing with a pen and paper. It's so...beneath me.

I want to train to be a birth doula. It sounds like fun.

Work sucks!

Celebratory barbeque chicken pizza!

2005-07-28T06:17:59Z

I'm babysitting Travis' neice, Riley, tomorrow, which'll be fun. Travis' words of warning: "she likes to open drawers and take stuff out, and she's never looking for anything. Once she takes all the stuff out of one drawer, she just moves onto the next." Me: "Wow, I don't think I've ever watched a baby that did that before. Thanks for the heads-up." Travis: "....b-....bitch...."

Mom, Mike, and the kids are leaving tomorrow morning. Hurrah! Brianna and I get the house to ourselves! Once Laura leaves for her friend's house. But then we get the house to ourselves! I'm so excited! I am sooo ordering barbeque chicken pizza tomorrow night to celebrate.